If I could dunk on anyone it would be none other than John Rambo.

John Rambo’s lost it all. He’s lost his mind, his honor, his Vietnamese girlfriend, and his necklace, but he’s lost his pride. At least not in the paint, and my plan is to end that by dunking all over him!

This is my plan. “The basketball court is a warzone out there”.

First things first. I need to convince John Rambo into thinking there is a war on the court. He has to be really pumped about this otherwise the dunk is pointless. I might as well dunk on my grandma. We know that Rambo has pretty solid ties to Buddhism so he doesn’t get mad for nothing. It has to be for a war.

Second thing. Probably should have been the first thing. Metal Detect John Rambo. More then likely John Rambo is going to have a hunting knife, a compound bow, explosive tipped arrows, a crab cracker, grenades, napalm, a compass, a can of sardines, multiple gauge ammunition, and a plethora of fire-arms. I know people say that in war there are no rules, but this is just self preservation.

When I arrive at the arena, I realize that dunking on Rambo is gonna be tough because more than likely he’s booby trapped everywhere inside the 3 pointer line. So here is the third thing that needs to happen.

I get a super official looking guy to tell Rambo that there is a call from the American Embassy. When John Rambo reaches for the red phone it’s my chance to dunk on this heavily roided American schizophrenic super-soldier.

While he is on the phone hearing the heart breaking tale of how some villagers in some country are being treated like crap by Russians or I guess Al Qaeda now, I make my move. Rambo sees me making a break for that basket so he pulls out his bow and arrow but since he went through the metal detector he has nothing but suction tipped arrows. One sticks to me, but I keep it on because I like the comedic effect.

I easily finish a nice clean one handed windmill dunk and hang onto to the rim just long enough to grab my nuts and tell Rambo that he has failed.

I finish the dunk and it is so epic and so legendary that Rambo is filled with total and complete post-traumatic stress disorder. I want to do something so epic that every time he see’s a person walking towards him he will think that they are attempting to go OVER THE TOP* with a dunk. His last lonely days will be miserable.

Then to show that I’m a dunk SPECIALIST* I will take a leak on the following Rambo medals: 1 medal of honor, 2 silver stars, 4 bronze stars for valor, 4 purple hearts, and 1 distinguished service crosses.

Because to be honest he simply hasn’t been through enough yet.

*Sick Reference!

Lear Bunda is a writer/director/editor based out of Atlanta.

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